Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
