do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
