u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
