All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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