it was like his penis was on wheels.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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