Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
