Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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