Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize