I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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