We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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