I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
