I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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