You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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