Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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