At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
