I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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