You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
