"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
