hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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