Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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