I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
