Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
