Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
