I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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