how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
