Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
