My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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