is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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