Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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