I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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