Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
