I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize