allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
