Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
