My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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