D3 body, D1 cock
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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