Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
