my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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