I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
