he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's the barista slut.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
