I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
