I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
