If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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