I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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