This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i believe in u and ur pee
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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