i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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