You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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