but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize