Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

He has such a weird drunk-voice.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

dude, he's deaf.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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(618): View more from Illinois

Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.

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(972): View more from Texas

My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me

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(619): View more from California

What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...

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