somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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