Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
