Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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