I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
