Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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