Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
