How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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