If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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