He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
