remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This baby is an asshole
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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