That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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