I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Randomize