I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
