I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
