well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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