Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
