who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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