I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
