After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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