I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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