I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize