Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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